Monday, December 29, 2008

Computer troubles

Just letting you know that I'm having computer troubles, I will try to clear it up asap.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Giving a heads up!

Soon as in tomorrow are the next day I will have a notice up on here about what will be some of the things that will be posted on here. I also hope to be doing some on the ask blog, So stay tuned for that. So check back in often once it gets going you wont want to miss a single post!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Here it is the rest of the story

Okay, here is what has happened after I quit the drug world.
I stayed around the drugs and the "friends" for a long time I even was still doing drug deals at times when people were having trouble finding it. I was around them smoking it, snorting it and all. So I never really was away from the drug scene and was really having trouble staying off. I was losing the battle and knew that I had to get clear. I had to find away out and wasn't sure where to turn.

In desperation I call my older brother and asked if I could come stay with him for a while. The answer I got shocked me and is still a very touching memory to me. He did not say "let me talk to my wife" He did not say " I will think about it" he just said "Come on up we have room for you". I will never forget that conversation and he will never know what it meant to me. I credit him with saving my life and my soul. I also think it is that one single act of kindness is what has giving me the strength to stay clean. As I right this the count now stands at 6 years 5 months and 27 days clean. I have reconnected with my whole family and we are closer than we ever have been. I treasure them like nothing I have ever treasured in my life. I have tried to give something back to the community for what I have taken, I have worked in a homeless shelter. Which was the most rewarding job I have ever had, It broke my heart when I was laid off do to lack of funds. But I still go and help out as often as needed. And as the weather turns bad I'm sure I Will be needed even more, and I will answer the call. I have been out of touch with the night life and stayed pretty much a loner , I was a shamed to be seen by the public with the way my teeth looked. Meth has a way of rotting your teeth and I was in real bad shape. But now thanks to some people that wish to remain anonymous I have a brand new set of teeth and a brand new lease on life. Of all the things that are wrong in my life the all seem so small, I can safely say I am happy with who I am, and what I have become. I now live by this phrase and I hope to the rest of my life. "Never sweat the small stuff" and "there is nothing but small stuff". As I close this chapter of my life I just want to thank you all for reading this. I hope it will help some one in some small way. And I would also like to thank my whole family, for not giving up on me and giving me the chance to be in your lives again, I will never let you down again, you mean far to much to me I love you all very much.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Part 15 the begining of the end

Okay, so my wife and I were splitting the sheets, I was frustrated and strung out. I signed the divorce papers and two days later was making a delivery to Canby. I was in my lane of traffic doing the speed limit, when some ass hole thought he would pass the car in front of him. He just failed to see if there was anyone coming at him (I was). We hit head on, I spun around and hit side ways into a telephone pole snapping it off at the ground. When I realised what had happened I got out of my car I was a little dazed but thought I was ok. I hid the meth I was taking to town in a mouse hole that was in the field and waited for the cops to show. Then I started to hurt, and I mean I really was hurting. My right leg was killing me and I looked at it and there was a cut 8" long and about 1 inch wide on it, when I stood back up my ribs on my right side told me I was in trouble. It was an old pain I had felt before. Then I looked at my car and I think that is when I went in to shock (from the pain and the site of the car) The whole front end of the car was smashed in or missing, The passenger side door was all the way in to the drivers seat where I had been sitting. I sat back down and wished I hadn't done that. When the EMT's got there they had to help me stand and then I couldn't move. They had to put the stretcher on me while I was standing. then load me in.

When I got to the hospital the cops were there going through my wallet and found a bag of meth I didn't know I had. Then they drug tested me and gave me a ticket for being under the influence of meth.

The hospital took x-rays and a cat scan and told me I was just beat up nothing was wrong. ( just so you know they are fucking fools) They gave me some pain pills and sent me home. well I don't do pain pills they sent me the wrong way, so I gave them to the guy who picked me up. the next day I was in so much pain I knew they had fucked up when they told me I was just beat up. I could feel My rib snapping every time I took a breath. or blinked! My leg which the hospital never even looked at let alone cleaned, was killing me also. I went to an urgent care and they took x-rays and found 3 broken ribs and a fractured tibia. I was laid up for over a month with this and stayed high for it all. But I wasn't the same, some thing had happened I wasn't happy anymore. getting high wasn't the same thrill it was and hunting it down had lost the thrill also.

So sometime in June or early July of 2002 I was just tired of the whole thing. I woke up one morning and loaded the last bit I had in a bag in to my pipe and melted it. As I watched it crack back in to a solid again I got pissed at myself. I looked over and the sliding glass door was open, I tossed the glass pipe out the door and on to the patio and watched it shatter. As it shattered I seen two things in my mind. I seen what I had become, and what I could be. I seen them at the same time. This is were the term "Cross roads" really comes from. To the left was the path that was dark and troubling, to the right was a place I had never been before and it was a strange and scary road, but one I knew would lead me to where I should be. I floated at this spot for what seemed like an hour but I still remember watching the glass pieces bouncing on the ground. Then it was over! The next thing that happened was the guy I was staying with was asking me what I had done that for. My reply was "I'm done with this shit" I got up and walked away.

Next will be the last of this story I will try to put in all in one post but more than likely it will be two or three. Then I might just get busy and do what this blog is all about!